Wednesday, April 3, 2013


(Ivy and I, photo by Melody. I can almost feel exactly how Ivy does in this picture by putting myself in her place but on my Mom's lap...safest place in the universe.)
Today my Mom would have celebrated her 61st birthday. Ten years ago today she celebrated her last birthday. I remember I painted a horrible un-likeness of her cat "Bunny" and gifted it to her. While cleaning out the hall closet last week I found the painting. Ugh, it was ugly. I threw it in the trash.
Currently I am taking care of The Ranch while my Dad is on vacation. I walked the property today thinking of my Mom and as the neighbor drove his tractor through the rows of orchards, the sound of the engine took me back to growing up there in that house on that land.
Recently my grief for my Mom has struck me at odd times but mostly I long for her when having a conversation with women her age. Yesterday while waiting in the doctor's office, a lady sat very closely to me, she was the age my Mom would be now. She asked if I had a Mary Kay consultant and I didn't even care how badly she wanted to sell me something, I was desperate to have a conversation with this woman. Our interaction was immediately over as I was called back by a nurse. The rest of the afternoon I had one thought...I am starving for my Mom. 
Today I celebrate my Mom's life and the love I was so lucky to receive from her. I am incredibly thankful I had her here with me as long as I did.


  1. Dusty, you may not remember me, I'm Angela's friend Kaylee. Anyway, this post hit me as both sad and at the same time, sparked something inside of me. My brother was 32 when he died. He worked in construction and was an electrician. When we had a man, Clyde, come and do some painting a few months back, I talked his ear off. I thanked him over and over for the wonderful job he did on our house and I even found more painting projects for him to do. I too am starving for my brother. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who misses their person so much, that talking to a complete stranger who is just happens to be the same age and occupation helps. Thank you for sharing this.

  2. Of course I remember you Kaylee! It's a real bummer to be a member of this club, what should we call it...The Grief Club? Starved For Our Someone-Club? You're a writer, I'm sure you can come up with something far more clever. If you do, let me know, Okay? I ask Angela about you and your Littles often, thanks for your comment.