Saturday, March 5, 2011

A Lesson In Self-Awareness/A Little Rant/Discovery.

There is something that comes over me when in conversation I feel like the other person is imposing his/her ideas/will/expectations on me. First my body tenses up, then I get cold as in temperature cold. I stop listening and start preparing my...rebellion. I've always been this way regardless of whether or not I believe strongly in what I am rebelling against, it is my way of disagreeing. Lately I have been doing this a lot. The imposition stems from people now noticing how pregnant I am becoming, then looking at The Little Girls and jumping to conclusions. People most always think this pregnancy was/is an accident, I know this can be true of third pregnancies but most definitely not in our case. It was planned, very planned. The next assumption is that we are trying for a boy. People say hurtful things like, "wouldn't it be nice for you to have a boy, someone to play catch with or carry on the family name." People make these comments in front of The Little Girls (which piss me off quite frankly, like girls aren't worthy of throwing a ball too or choosing to keep their family name), not realizing the way they sound to the girls and the questions these comments later prompt. And so I get that all too familiar feeling of oppression and rebel. I say, "No this baby is not an accident, we wanted more children." and "we would be so happy to have a girl again knowing how close The Little Girls are and we play catch with these girls as well as hope that if they choose, they keep their maiden name." I say this all to preface this...
 We ARE having a boy! We are excited. All we really cared about throughout this pregnancy was having a healthy baby, regardless of gender. We are thrilled that Baby Botting is growing healthy and strong. But if you see us out and about please refrain from comments like, "Oh finally Tim gets his boy!" or "Great, now you get to be involved with cheering from the sidelines while watching him play sports!" or "Now your family is complete!". If you do brave these comments, you might be in for icy looks and stormy conversation. I am fiercely protective of making sure these Little Girls know they still hold the reigns of our attention and hearts, no boy or girl could ever dethrone them from the pedestals they keep even though they are soon to be joined by Baby Boy B. As for now, we are off to cheer from the sidelines as Savannah takes her first swim team lesson.


  1. Oh Mud, I just love you and your perspective. Speak it, Sister!!

    Your baby will be so loved . . .just the same as Savannah and Ivy are so loved. It was awesome spending the day with my favorite girls yesterday.

  2. I appreciate your comments. People often say things and don't realize the affect they have on someone. I remember when pregnant with Simon feeling like people might wonder if we are Mormon, or don't believe in birth control, because why would we have 3? But then I look around me, and a lot more people are having 3 or more kids these days. I also remember people saying, "Oh, are you trying for a girl?" When I was really thrilled to think of having another boy. I loved the first 2, why not another? And I've been happy every since. People still ask if we'll try for a girl, but honestly (and the answer is no) I'd probably hope for another boy! And if you need any boy clothes, let me know, I'd be happy to send you some. Hang in there!