Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy New Year.

Happy New Year Honey Hutters! Oh how I would love to listen to all your New Year's resolutions, please share with me in the comments below if you like, pretty please? I know some resolutions are private so no pressure. As for me, I'm keeping it simple. In 2013 I am determined to drink more water, a half gallon minimum each day. Tim is going to read 25 books by 25 different authors. Savannah wants to get more rest (she asked for a "Quiet Time" today). Ivy wants what Savannah wants (so sweet!), more rest. And Goo, well Goo can't really articulate verbally yet what he resolves to do in 2013 so my guess is the grunting/pointing/begging at the sliding glass door means he is determined to spend more time out doors exploring.
Here's what we are having for New Year's Dinner.
Beef Stew
In a slow cooker (crock pot) add:
2 cans mushroom soup
2 cans water
1 pkg onion soup mix
3 carrots (peeled and sliced)
1 handful fingerling potatoes (quartered)
1 pound beef (cut in small cubes. I like round tip strips for stir fry)  
cook on low for 6 hours or high for 3 hours.
10 minutes before serving, add
1 cup green peas
2 T sour cream

Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Grove/9 Years.

This is Grandma Patty's Grove. The Little Girls asked all day to come here, they love to play in this old, pioneer, forest cemetery. And I like to think somehow my Mom can see them, hear their giggles and voices, watch them play tag around the plot barrier and hold Goo's hand when he starts to wanders off. Something special is happening here, something sacred to our family. We brought sparklers today to light with my Mom. It was cold and beautiful.
My Mom was killed in a car accident. Hmm...this is something I never say aloud and not because I know it makes the listener uncomfortable or instantly sorry but because unless the listener has experienced the despair of a sudden trauma like this, there really isn't any point. I am not interested in anyone feeling sorry for me, just someone who understands. And so after my Mom died, I relied most upon the words of friends who had lost their parents this same way. Tamber, Faith, Bato and Mike. And I want to thank anyone who was in close proximity to me at that time (Tim, Jennifer, Michelle, Andy, Leilani, Nancy... my students). I know it was ugly. Yuck...I hate to think about that time. But the most comforting words spoken by anyone in the days after her death were from a total stranger, a man who was building the house next door to my parent's house. He rang the doorbell in the early morning of January 1st. When we answered the door he took off his hat and folded it in his hands, looked up with a quivering chin and said, "I am so fucking sorry." Those words have meant a lot to me these last 9 years. They define the magnitude of the tragedy of her death, the reality of which cannot be explained here.
Also, I just want to say a public thank you to Margaret and Gordon (Tim's parents). Every year on this day they send me flowers. This lovely remembrance plus their beautiful words about my Mom are a bright spot on a cold, dark day. Thank you M&G for your love and remembering her.

Friday, December 28, 2012

Three Houses...

...one very special Christmas.
Our House/Christmas morning.
The Ranch/Christmas mid-day.
Tim's Parents/Chrismas afternoon-night.


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas.

Dear Honey Hutters,
Merry Christmas. Sending you warm wishes of holiday cheer. While this is the happiest time of year in many hearts and homes, I know it is the hardest and saddest time for many as well. Wherever you are at mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually I wish you peace.
Fondly and with Much Love,
Dusty.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Worth.

A friend asked me if she could buy a few bow bracelets. I told her I wasn't really selling them but I could show her how to make them or just give her some extras I had made up (after all, the flattery is payment enough). She told me she isn't crafty and wouldn't feel comfortable not paying for them. And so here I am figuring out how to price these little sweeties...any ideas?

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Lost and Found.

Do you know what this is?

It's a Christmas miracle. I lost these earrings 3 years ago, I have searched high, low and everywhere else. I always keep my eye out for them and hope they will magically appear in an unchecked coat pocket. Yesterday I was cleaning out an old bag I had up in my closet. As I opened it I actually thought, "wouldn't it be great if I found my disk earrings in this bag, HA!" I pulled out a couple bobbi pins from one pocket and scooped out another pocket with these lovelies. I sat there gobsmacked for several moments then did a very jubilant happy dance. I don't loose things often (well, my temper frequently but otherwise...) so these treasures left me haunted.


Speaking of haunted, a little story...
In fifth grade, Jesse Melnick was new to my school. His grandparents took him out of public school and put him in private school after his mom committed suicide. I think he had a younger sister, no dad that I was aware of. He, Damon, Gina and I were good friends and I remember him speaking lovingly of his mom in the comfort of our small group. We "dated" for four days in sixth grade when he gave me a bracelet of his mom's to wear until we "broke up". I felt awkward and sad when he gave me the bracelet and gave it right back to him after the long weekend of our "relationship". He and Damon left in seventh grade but we kept in contact and ran into each other here and there.
When I was sixteen, I had stayed late at a youth group party and when I arrived home, my parents were furious because they couldn't get a hold of me/I broke curfew. They were carrying on in frustration/anger while I just stood in the living room not at all surprised but confused at their exaggerated reaction. After I got my lecture, they told me they were more concerned about my being on the road/away from them because Damon's mom had called while I was out to tell me Jesse had been killed in a car accident.
I remember Jesse's funeral very clearly; going by myself, sitting on the soft velvet pew, the chapel smelling like Pine Sol and a faint musky smell I didn't like at all, teenagers weeping, making eye contact with Gina and loosing it myself, Jesse's sad grandparents holding hands, the warm afternoon at the cemetery and Jesse being buried on a hill under a tree from which wind chimes sang softly in the breeze (by the way, wind chimes in a cemetery=super creepy) and leaving the burial feeling so desperately sad.
My sister Shannon and her family recently moved into a new house in a new town about 45 minutes from where we grew up. There is a shed out back where a previous owner abandoned random belongings. My nephew Dawson was rummaging through/cleaning it out and found a little old treasure box. Inside he found this: Jesse's ID card. 


Monday, December 17, 2012

This was my view all weekend.
Watching My Littles closely, snuggling them when they needed a hug and when I needed a hug. Like yours, my heart is broken for the families and community of Sandy Hook Elementary School. May we all cherish our children more, each other more. For life is so very precious.